This post is about self-compassion.
Learning to level up your self-talk.
Self-compassion is coming to know yourself as imperfect, and accepting that. You’ll never be perfect! But you can learn to quit hating on your imperfections, and turning them into shameful thoughts like “that’s just the kind of person I am”.
See, that’s the outcome of constant self-critical thought. Your self-esteem (or lack of it) is formed by your self talk. If you think you do shitty stuff, then you’re likely to view yourself as a shitty person.
Here are some downsides of negative self-talk and low self-esteem:
- Adopting any form of positive change is next to impossible when you have a shameful view of yourself. You’re stuck in quicksand, and you’ve given up trying to get out.
- The love you’re able to feel for others tends to be limited by the love you feel for yourself. Your relationships are shallow, and they’re likely to end badly.
- You’re prone to victim thinking and drama. You know, thoughts like these:
- Life is hard. Full of suffering
- The world is out to get me.
- Why me?
- I’m unlucky.
Cultivating self-compassion is a learned skill. And, like anything worthwhile, it takes some work.
Look – you don’t have to learn compassion. Unless you’re a psychopath, you already have that – it’s built in to the human psyche. Think of how you are toward your kids, or good friends. Encouraging, supportive, loving.
What you need to learn is how to turn that compassion inward toward yourself.
Here’s a quick 1-2-3 method to become more self-compassionate:
- Become mindful of your negative self-talk. Learn to watch your thoughts so that you are at choice to change them. (Practices like meditation, yoga, and daily journaling are great means of becoming more mindful of your thoughts). Look, it’s natural for the brain to wander. Mindfulness is essentially learning to master your brain to direct it toward ends more to your liking.
- When you are aware that you’re badmouthing yourself, full stop. Do other people suffer like you right now, or are you the only person in the universe with your unique problems? How would you be with a friend who’s suffering? How would a good friend be toward you right now?
- Be kind to yourself – just as you would be with a friend who might be having such thoughts or feelings? What would your best friend say to you if you told them of your self-critical thought?
Does that business of changing up your thoughts sound phony?
If it does, it’s because you’ve been treating yourself as an enemy – instead of a friend.
Wouldn’t it be cool to become your very best friend?
as a human being. You might not be perfect, but you just keep trying at whatever you do – you never give up. Your friends are lucky to know you, because you’re so considerate. I’m lucky to be related to you. You light up my life.
Leave a Reply
Want to join the discussion?Feel free to contribute!