What Happiness Is
Here’s my handy-dandy short-form definition of happiness – described in greater detail in my 2018 book Upgrade Your Lifestyle – 10 Keys to Unlock a Steady State of Happiness:
- Satisfaction – When the world around you is good enough. All is right and acceptable in your world – even if perhaps not ideal.
- Contentment – When you are good enough. You love yourself – despite your imperfections, or struggles you might experience.
- Peace of Mind – You’re the master of your mind, able to observe your thoughts and change them when they don’t serve you.
When you have achieved these three conditions, life and living is not only good – it’s a wonderful blessing. I love the expression “One of the few, living the dreams of the many“. Literally everyone idealizes having a happy life, but relatively few among us achieve it.
You’re not superhuman once you’ve achieved this state. There are still moments of pain or suffering – that’s an integral part of the human equation. But you’re bulletproof – after you’re knocked down when life shoots at you, you get right back up again and carry on. In fact, you probably learn some new life lessons each time you’re knocked down.
I’m fond of thinking that I’m one of the happiest people on the planet. I’m hugely thankful for nearly every aspect of my life. I have a passive income that more than sustains a comfortable lifestyle. My work is entirely an expression of my life’s purpose – so I work when I feel like it, and don’t take on too much guilt about screw-off days. I have a mind-bogglingly lovely, wonderful, and devoted partner. I live in an incredibly beautiful part of the world – with mountains and tropical forests in view, and the ocean within a 15-minute drive. It’s a virtual paradise for an outdoors guy like me.
I don’t know how my life could be any better than my current reality. And yet, somehow, life surprises me (in a good way) from time to time.
What Happiness Isn’t
People who meet me rarely have a clue about how happy I am. Even after they get to know me, they may not sense my deep, profound, and consistent level of joy about life and living.
Because I’m not the first guy you’d think of when an image of happiness forms in your mind. For instance:
Do happy people smile all the time?
My partner loves taking selfies of the two of us. All. The. Freakin. Time. (It drives me crazy!). You could never tell from most photographs how much I love this woman, and how much I’m enjoying this or that special moment when she snapped the photo. Though I may be feeling happy, it rarely shows up on my face as more than a slight grin.
I’m not particularly pleased with that fact. I think I should smile bigger – show some teeth, fergodsake. Sometimes when she’s taking a photo of me I remember to unnaturally stretch my face to show a few teeth. I like those photos better.
Are happy people charismatic glad-handers? The life of the party?
Not that I needed it – but the pandemic convinced me that I’m a dyed-in-the-wool introvert.
Yeah, I missed having coffee with friends occasionally. But I adapted pretty well to having to spend more time at home. I started Life as an Art Form as an outcome of my deeper meditations and reflections, and the greater amount of Quora and Medium writing I was doing while locked down.
During the community quarantine here, I did my morning 60-90 minute walks in circles around the property where I live. No big deal – I started listening to podcasts to overtake the boredom of walking in circles (wow am I ever glad that happened!)
When I’m at a party I’m generally the least talkative guy there. I’d guess that most of the people who are at parties with me would think of me as a glum, boring dude. Not really, fellas – I just don’t feel the least bit mentally stimulated by your surface conversation. (However, get me in a group where we’re talking personal growth, emotional intelligence, or spiritual principles and I become far more animated!)
Joy and I love doing fun things together – hiking and camping in the mountains, visiting the beach, traveling, spending a few days away from home at a resort as a little getaway. Joy is a charismatic, joyful extrovert – she has scads of friends who love hanging out with her because she’s so much fun. She truly is the life of every party. She also has a rich inner world – she occasionally shares deep, meaningful insights; and practices yoga alone several times a week.
But when Joy and I are together at home, most of the time we’re each in our own little worlds. We have loving rituals in the morning and evening, but throughout much of the day we don’t often have much communication. We’re not needy for one anothers’ attention. That’s particularly satisfying to both of us – that we don’t feel the need to entertain each other.
